Speaking of new beginnings, V has started again. Awesome show, and I think I'll be following it for a while. I wonder if they'll be using the red dust again...

So this month, I have managed to already put $600 into savings. What a difference a single person makes. All bills paid, and still have savings.

sooo hungry, must go eat...

Fatty-

ok, maybe not all of it, but there are some fucked up things that happen. Take for instance my latest attempt at settling down...

Married her, she turns out to be married, we break up, she goes back to italy, I find out she asked MY parents for $4k to go back. She lied about being on a student visa, and she also lied about still being married. She probably justified it to herself to not say she wasn't married, cause in reality she was married!!! just not to me!

Fucked comes to mind, and in fact so does CUNT!

Chris-

Some things go well, others go well too. My glass is always full, and yet I somehow manage to feel empty. I've had something I thought was the greatest thing in my life recently. I don't have that anymore. Based entirely upon my own morals, ethics, way of life, or whatever you call it, I've managed to lose what I had. It's a deafening sound in my head. I'm of course me, so I just change the channel. Someday maybe I can buy a new receiver, and live a bit more consistently.

yeah, I know, it's my brain that makes these riddles though.

http://dparrish.com/2007/06/rollout-manual

Those times just (powerful eh?) happen when you least expect it. I am talking about friendly relationships turning into something more than what they might appear to be. If you've known me it's always been my way. I'm always jumping ship to the next, but never finding my carrier. It might for some (who the fuck are you?) not seem all that sensical, but to me it's everything.

If I found my carrier, then well I could and. I've only recently understood me. I'm not saying 100% but I'm saying understood me in ways I never considered before. If I don't understand me, and I'm always changing, then how can I possibly expect to find someone who is willing to be with me?

There is a book. The title is "The Naked Husband". It was given to me by my good friend Moflaivers! Now I've actually had to book for years now it seems (18-24 months?), but I've never read it. I always had it, and in fact moved several times with it, but never managed to read it. I think I already knew what it was about. I was right about knowing what it was about, but I wasn't really prepared for what it entailed. The first couple of chapters (all I've read so far) are me to a T. I mean as far as thoughts go, and what I want, I feel I've actually written this book (details aside). It is, to say the least, a bit weird.

I've lived my life thinking that I'm alone in what I think. There are those that think like me but they always seem to have this penis attachment, which I don't particularly care for. There is also the drinking habit. I love to drink! I grew up in a "closed source" world. What I'm saying is that the feelings that were prevalent in my family growing up were not growth inducing emotions. I was denied a relationship with anyone outside my family for anything other than friendship. This is a flaw. I'll get to that in a bit. For now I wasn't only denied that, but many other things. That's not to say I was the perfect child, but it was, as I believe, directly related to the foundation that my parents were to lay down for me.

I'm older now. In fact I'm 30 as I write this. When I first interact with someone I interact with them purely on what I consider to be, on a need basis, and nothing more. Once I've interacted with that person it becomes something I might enjoy. A large reason attribute to this is due to my up-bringing. I have a hard time getting to know someone through their direct actions. Once I've associated that person with an initial "FEEling" than I can decide whether I want to continue interactions or not. This is something that I've known about subconsciously, but instinct if you will, but never on a conscious level. I feel it is a detriment to me being me.

Detriments.:
Although I admit my faults, it does take a lot of convincing that I am at fault. Maybe convincing isn't so much the right word, but rather proving. Maybe (without looking it up) proving is a series of convincing acts. I'm not sure. I do know that whatever I do (excluding work, or drinking), it's usually never to degrade, or undermine someone.

Sobriety is not, but is the key to me. If' I'm sober at work I do my best. If I'm not sober, than I won't excel at what I do for work. I won't be bad at work, I just won't excel. To me, excelling at work is good for my own progression as a person. I don't know everything! Sometimes I feel personally, without external pressure that I should know me. That's what drives me! Personal satisfaction, not yours.

If I wanted to take the time for you to get to know me, we'd be here for along time, in my opinion!

I'm sure there won't be many that read this, and in fact there aren't that many that know of this blog. I'd like to think that it's my personal rant space, and in fact it really is (not including laws, etc...).

Who knew that a 9th grade alaskan / american drop-put would grow up into such a philosopher? It's quite possible that I have no idea about philosophy in general. I know that I'm not the person to have unique perspective on life. What I do think is that I'm me. It's not much, but it is better than 1:7billion. My perspective says that those odds are pretty good for a universe where life is abundant.

Fatty-

I'm bored...

So I've recently learned that I have a diverse taste in literature... How diverse I have yet to figure out, but it is diverse none the less.

Fatty-

Re: Subject: true of course...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,2063979,00.html

Fatty-

So... I started scuba lessons on Monday of this week. I had another class on Thursday. Then today being Saturday, we finally got to get into the gear. Everything except the weight belt was what I expected it to be. The weight belt weighed a tonne, and I still had to add another 3 pounds to it. So I think all up it was 33 pounds, but I wasn't expecting near that much. I guess one thing good is that because I have more muscle than fat I didn't need a whole lot more weight. Some guy needed like 40+ pounds or something crazy.

So the weight belt is to keep you buoyant. I've just realized that the way you spell buoyant is stupid. First it'sputting the BCD (no, not birth control device) on the tank. The BCD is the Buoyancy Control Device. Basically it's a vest that you can inflate and deflate easily. Once the BCD is on the tank, then the Regulator goes on. After the regulator and gear is attached to the tank then it's pretty ready to go. Of course this assumes you have your mask, and snorkel already done up too, which I didn't this morning. Not a big deal but less weight on you while you put that together saves some energy. I didn't really notice it, but the skinny guys, and even the fat guy did. Anyways, weight belt goes on first. A specific way to do this is to hold the non-buckle end in your right hand and throw the weight around behind you and grab the other side (buckle side) with your left hand. then bend over and put the weight just above your hips. then fasten tightly, and stand up. they shouldn't move. The put the BCD and tank on, with a partner get them to hold the tank up and hold open the BCD vest so you can get your arms in. Of course something to mention is that you should of course be wearing a protective suit, or wet suit before the weights hehe The after the BCD is done up right, make the buddy check you out. Then you do your buddy... We did it from the shore, so basically we walked out in the water, inflated our BCD's and sat back and put on the scuba fins. We then deflated our BCD's. The instructor then decided on a path we would take, and well we did lots of things, then we went for a brief swim...

More later...

Fatty-

well, here I am flogging off someone else's journal... it's a bloody good journal though, I mean they way it's done, is just one of a kind, very entertaining, even the music wherever this dude found it, is great for the pages...

http://www.phatterism.com/

Fatty-